How to Complain to God

Come as you are, shoot straight, but don't grumble.

When I was a kid, I had “church clothes.” You know, the nice stuff you’re not supposed to wear all week, but rather save for Sundays. My earliest recollection is of corduroy pants, a button up shirt, and a sweater vest. My younger brother had a similar set. We were quite dapper, I think.

You don’t have to get dressed up in your Sunday outfit to complain to God. Come as you are before the throne of the Almighty to plead your case. Photo by Zachary Kadolph on Unsplash

Still, I remember asking my parents about church clothes. “Why can’t I just wear my regular clothes on Sunday?” I wanted to know. Regular clothes were comfortable while church clothes were not.

“Because, we want to bring God our best and honor him,” my parents said.

It wasn’t exactly clear why being uncomfortable for God was honoring to him, but I could see I wasn’t going to win the battle and I eventually stopped trying to push the point.

So often, I see Christians who want to approach God only in a formal, unnatural manner. That often starts with the outside (e.g., clothes) but then travels inside. These folks pray in lofty, but inauthentic language. They lift up denominational ritual above authentic relationship with God. If you see them on Sundays and ask them how they are doing, they inevitably answer, “Great!” while on the inside they are heartbroken because their kids are in trouble with the law, their marriage is failing, they’ve lost their job, and they’re starting to doubt whether God even exists.

I know this because at various times in my life, I’ve been that person. I suspect you have, too.

The trouble with this path is that it becomes a reinforcing feedback loop. The more that you claim to be “fine” on the outside, the less fine you feel on the inside, and the more you have to keep up appearances. Further, if you start to think that you have to have your act together before you approach God, you end up talking with him less and less. Ultimately, it will end up driving a wedge between you and your creator.

Over the years, I’ve come to understand that this is a satanic lie. You don’t have to put on your Sunday clothes before you go to God. God accepts you as you are and he wants to have a relationship with you even if it’s messy. You can approach him in a t-shirt and sweatpants and He’s still going to love you and listen to you. To put it another way, you don’t have to get your life together before reaching out to God. Rather, you should be reaching out to God to get your life together.

When things aren’t going well, even and especially when it seems like God isn’t delivering on his promises, it’s okay to talk to God quite directly about that. It’s even okay if that strays into complaining. God would rather have you complaining to Him than ignoring Him, because keeping it real, approaching Him in your t-shirt and sweatpants, shows your dependence on Him and where you build your relationship.

To put it still differently, if you only ever appear before God in your Sunday clothes, with your hair combed, and your teeth brushed, you don’t have an authentic relationship. But if you appear before him in your t-shirt and sweatpants, tears streaming down your face, snot running from your nose, well, then at least you’re approaching him in honesty.

You don’t believe me? Let’s take a look.

Psalms of Complaint

Specifically, let’s turn to the Book of Psalms. The most common type of psalms are what are known as “psalms of complaint” or “lament.” Yep, seriously. This is actually a thing in academic Bible circles.

There are two types of psalms of complaint: individual and communal. The individual ones are complaints from an individual (“me”). The communal ones are typically complaints about the state of the nation (“we”).

Some examples include:

• Individual: Psalms 3, 5–7, 13, 17, 22, 25-28, 32, 38, 39, 42, 43, 51, 54-57, 59, 61, 63, 64, 69–71, 86, 88, 102, 109, 120, 130, and 140-43.

• Communal: Psalms 44, 74, 79, 80, 83, and 89.

Let’s look at psalm of individual complaint, Psalm 13 (ESV):

How Long, O Lord?

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

13 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I take counsel in my soul
    and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

³ Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
    light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
⁴ lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
    lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

⁵ But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
    my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing to the Lord,
    because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 13 (ESV)

So, Psalm 13 is attributed to King David. Many of the best psalms of complaint come from David, in fact. It seems like he really knew how to complain to God about things. Because of that, I think we can learn a lot about complaining by studying David’s technique.

In verses 1 and 2, David lays out his fundamental complaint. In this case, he feels disconnected from God and he feels like an (unspecified) enemy is getting the better of him while God ignores him.

Notice how David phrases things. He’s not subtle. He doesn’t beat around the bush. He starts off in verse 1 and gets right to the heart of it: “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?”

If I had to paraphrase this in modern language, it would be something like, “God, when will you show up? I’m feeling alone and abandoned by you right now. My enemies are winning and I’m losing. Where are you?”

The next section, verses 3 and 4, could be titled, “If this keeps up…” In these verses, David lays out the stakes. Paraphrasing, he says, “If you don’t show up, I might die and my enemies would rejoice in my defeat.” Those are the stakes, as David sees them.

Then David shifts the tone of the psalm.

Up to this point, he’s been complaining. He’s told God how he’s feeling and he’s laid out the stakes as he sees them: “I’m feeling abandoned, and if you don’t show up, my enemies are going to win and rejoice in my defeat.”

Now, he says, in verses 5 and 6, “But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.”

To paraphrase again, “But I have trusted in you and I know that trust is not misplaced. I will rejoice when you save me.”

So the format is:

1. Here is my complaint.

2. Here is what is at stake.

3. But I trust that you will show up and make this right.

You’ll find this basic format repeated, with some variations, throughout the psalms.

God Doesn’t Like Grumbling

Now, one thing that I need to point out is that God doesn’t like grumbling. Complaining is one thing, but grumbling is another thing entirely. Let’s see how they differ.

When God led the nation of Israel out of Egypt, the people grumbled. Look at Exodus 16:

² And the whole congregation of the people of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness, ³ and the people of Israel said to them, “Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.”

⁴ Then the Lord said to Moses, “Behold, I am about to rain bread from heaven for you, and the people shall go out and gather a day's portion every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in my law or not. ⁵ On the sixth day, when they prepare what they bring in, it will be twice as much as they gather daily.” ⁶ So Moses and Aaron said to all the people of Israel, “At evening you shall know that it was the Lord who brought you out of the land of Egypt, ⁷ and in the morning you shall see the glory of the Lord, because he has heard your grumbling against the Lord. For what are we, that you grumble against us?” ⁸ And Moses said, “When the Lord gives you in the evening meat to eat and in the morning bread to the full, because the Lordhas heard your grumbling that you grumble against him—what are we? Your grumbling is not against us but against the Lord.”

Exodus 16:2-8 (ESV)

In this passage, the people, who are being led out of slavery, are grumbling about the food on the trip. Talk about misplaced priorities.

The key verse is number three, where the people say, “Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the meat pots and ate bread to the full, for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.”

What makes this illegitimate grumbling, as opposed to legitimate complaining, is that the people are questioning God’s plan and doubting his promise to them. God has previously told them, through Moses, that He’s about to fulfill the promises that He made to Abraham and lead them into Canaan. But because life is not as easy on the journey as it was when they were slaves, they’re second-guessing God’s plan and even suggesting that God wants to kill them in the desert by starving them.

When David complains in Psalm 13, the summary is, “God, you promised to be with me and I’m feeling alone and abandoned. How long do I have to wait for you to fulfill your promise? But I trust that you will do what you said.”

When the Israelites grumble in the desert, the summary is, “God, we’re starting to think that your plan sucks. And maybe this is all a ruse and you’re going to kill us all.”

The contrast is stark. David believes God and complains to God in the midst of that belief. The Israelites in the desert don’t believe God, reject His plan, and suggest He has sinister motives.

Looking back to Exodus 16, in just a few verses after the grumbling, God gives them the miracle of manna and quail that run through their camp, food from heaven that appears each morning and evening and merely needs to be collected. God calls out their grumbling, and it’s clear that he’s annoyed by it, but he’s not going to kill them because that would defeat his whole purpose in bringing them out of Egypt.

It’s interesting to ponder what David would have said if he had been out in the desert during the Exodus? I think he would have complained, but he wouldn’t have grumbled. He might have said something like, “God, how long do we have to wait for your provision of food to arrive? We are nearing starvation and things aren’t looking good. If we don’t get some nourishment soon, we’re going to die. But we know that your plan is to bring us to Canaan, and we trust that you will provide for us on this journey because you have promised to take care of us and make this happen.”

See the difference? When David complains, he does so while remembering God’s promises and believing that God has a wonderful plan that will be fulfilled. When the Israelites grumble, they second-guess God’s plan and doubt his faithfulness.

Complaining is okay. Grumbling is not.

Learn how to complain correctly by looking to the Psalms. Read through the other “psalms of complaint” that are listed, previously. Notice their structure, particularly the ending verses. Don’t be afraid to cry out to God in your t-shirt and sweatpants, when things feel out of control. You don’t need to get dressed up in your Sunday clothes. You don’t need to have your act together to approach the Almighty. That’s what David did, and God responded to him.

Today’s Prayer

Holy Father, creator of all things, who was and is and is yet to come, we rejoice in the establishment of your Kingdom. May your will be done on earth as in heaven. Help us to come to you as we are, with no pretense, no formality. Please hear our complaints, offered in humility and faith, and respond to us. Keep us from grumbling. Help us to have faith, to believe the promises you have made, and to put our confidence in your desire to bless us and work all things together for our ultimate good. We love you. Amen.

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